I think there are very few rules necessary for life. Maybe the only important ones are, 'cause no harm' and 'be yourself'.
When we put these two rules together, it is an interesting mix because 'being ourselves' sometimes means acknowledging that part of us that can be angry, hurt or frustrated. Can we feel these emotions without 'causing harm'?
Maybe instead of struggling with controlling the expression of these feelings, we could look at the Happy Buddha and learn how to be happy instead. Some of us know by now that the Buddha expresses happiness because he is unattached to the illusions that cause suffering.
Perhaps we can feel angry yet happy because we don't want to cause harm because of it. Anger is an acceptable human emotion...but letting our thoughts turn to violent actions of retribution can hurt others as well as ourselves. 'Cause no harm' makes us stop at someone else's boundaries and decide whether to reign in our actions or lose control of our own conscious decisions.
There is a force that 'takes over' when we relinquish that conscious control and it moves to use the energy created by the anger with the intention to harm. That's why someone who loses control and lashes out in anger sometimes doesn't remember what he/she did.
The illusion we are under at that time is that we 'need' to do something right now! We 'have' to express this violent energy and let that person we are angry at know we won't tolerate them. We will strike back, we will overcome him/her and they deserve it. If we let it loose, it can become a raging animal.
This is not our will or conscious choice. That force that takes over hides our choice making ability and demands impulsive, immediate action! If we acquiesce to it, we almost always feel guilty when we wake up from its hypnotic trance. In the Bible, it says that anger is the same as murder. That's because once you start acting on anger it can turn into murderous rage beyond your natural inclination.
I think the Happy Buddha's message to us is, if we refuse the attachment to thoughts that try to manipulate the choices we make, we can feel angry but be happy knowing we are in control of our actions. The thoughts and feelings that come after the person makes us angry can just flow through and dissolve if we refuse to get all tightened up in the aggressive stance and instead consciously release the energy.
If we can go inward and feel the energies and let them express and dissolve without responding on the outside, we can let strong emotions be a learning process to know ourselves better and not something that turns into a drama on the outside with others creating unpleasant situations. We can actually transmute our anger into energy that develops the 'Happy Buddha' in us rather than creating karma and attracting more of the same old stuff back into our lives.
This is how we make a choice to 'cause no harm' to others including ourselves. The illusion happens when we are not consciously aware of ourselves and our thoughts, words and actions. We are not being who we truly are during those times and can be pulled into the emotional energy of others with out realizing it is even happening. But not if we are aware. We can make real choices when we are consciously aware and we can stay out of the illusion and be our true self. Yes, we may be mad as hell and that's okay. Just take it inward and release it. Don't attach to it as real, it's just part of the illusion. Make a decision to stay out of those old, repetitious dramas and be the real you instead.
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