 | For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. ..John 3:16-17 |
For a long time, as a child, and as I grew up, I tried to understand who Jesus was beyond the historical knowledge of his walk on Earth. No one could telll me, explain to me really how he was supposed to save me at the point of my life I was in and how was I supposed to know for sure he did accept me? Traditional religion has a great knowledge of the Bible, I thought, but as to the actuality of an experience with Jesus, there was no clue. We were just supposed to believe it because the Bible said it. It didn't matter how we felt, or if anything really happened or we felt changed. We were supposed to believe it by faith. When I went up to the alter at the church I then went to, at about ten, I think, I gave my life to him publically, hoping to experience something supernatural, anything at all to let me know that Jesus was for sure planted in my heart where I wanted him to be! Although I did shed a few tears,(everyone was either praying or crying) nothing happened to prove to me that Jesus now inhabited my heart. Two things happened to me, entirely separate from my church life, which proved (to me) the reality of a life other than just the physical, and the reality of Jesus saving us. The first was an out-of-body experience when I was twelve. I was sleeping in on a week-end morning, when I found myself floating above my physical sleeping body on the bed. My consciousness was in this etheral, transparent body several feet in the air, I could look across the length of this body with my eyes and see my feet in front of me. I had no doubt this was an actual experience. When I woke up, I ran into my mom's room and told her what had happened and she believed me. When I told my friends at church, they laughed and said I was crazy. So I never talked about it to anyone again for a long time. The second experience was a vivid dream. I was standing on the beach behind my sister's home at the time, and was looking out at the ocean. I was looking at Jesus, standing on a rock, surrounded by ocean and waves. In the waves were people with arms outstretched, desperately trying to get to him, but they couldn't seem to make any headway through the waves. I remember feeling sad for these people not being able to reach him and I wondered why I was only an observer in the dream. I've had other spritual dreams since then but this was my first and it impressed me dramatically. I only shared this dream with my mom and not my friends at church this time. When I made my first real, enduring commitment to surrender and give up control of my life to God, through His son, Jesus, as I understood him, which wasn't very clear, I was an adult raising my children. Although I had attended several churches by then and actually joined one, at one point, I still knew no more about a real relationship with Jesus than I had in my childhood. I just believed because I was a Christian and we believe in Jesus. Wasn't that what Christianity was supposed to be about! When I prayed and thought about Jesus, I always pictured him in the traditional fashion, as I saw him in my dream..ie.. A tall, strong, peaceful looking man with long, golden brown hair, a beard and red and white robes and sandled feet. I have known some people who say Jesus actually appeared to them. One person said he did, but later changed his description of Jesus to that of a powerful angel who appeared in front of him. Excuse me, Jesus or angel? They are two different types of beings. Don't say Jesus appeared to you when it really was an angel. I have read about people seeing Jesus, talking to him, feeling greatly loved and changed in his presence but this has not happened to me. Many pastors and evangelists pour their love and desire out to God and seem to truly mean it. I would not doubt their sincerity. But I have thought, do we understand subjectivity and objectivity? If we keep our thoughts, feeling, emotions and actions subjective, we remain unconnected. If we give our thoughts, feelings,emotions and actions to others, we are objectifying our beliefs. We can pour our feelings and emotions into thoughts, words and programs for better living but never connect that better living with actions other than speaking, studying or writing actions. We can also pour our feelings and emotions into thoughts, words and actions that connect us with other people to love and heal and unite. As time went on, I thought, maybe Jesus meant for us to love him through others and let him love us through others. Maybe Jesus is that sweetheart we adore and learn unselfishness with, or the hungry child in Rumania we send money to each month, or that homeless person we bought a meal for. Maybe he is you or me as we break through shyness or fear or ego and give ourselves to the others he brings before us each day. One time I felt God showing me that Jesus first appeared in the gardener beside the tomb and the diciples hadn't yet recognized that his return was going to be inside of others. It was important for them to see his resurrected body but when he left, he said he would not leave them comfortless but would give them the Holy Spirit which is his spirit. I remember a verse in a song by Evie, "Till you see him in the mirror, you have a long way to go". I believe we will have a restored, resurrected body one day just like Jesus' and I also believe "Christ is in me, the hope of glory". "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me". So I will culminate this musing with what I believe right now about Jesus. I believe he is the unique firstfruit of many sons of God. His innocent suffering and death on the cross gave us an opening into higher dimensions of life. If we desire it enough to die to all of the allures of this physical world, we can break free of this physical dimension and return to God and enter into His Kingdom.This was the way Jesus showed us with his own life. I believe the Holy Spirit Jesus sent after he left when he ascended, is his very own spirit that we can have indwell us and become us and save us out of this earthly cycle of life. It is the only way out. It is the Christ Consciousness that is us living a new life of unconditional love. The unconditional love in the Christ nature of a person sees with Jesus's eyes this Christ nature in other individuals and draws it out. It becomes a "powerful chain, one heart at a time", another song's lyrics, as people share and express in real heart connection . This Christ Consciousness is beyond all religions and does not belong to the "Christians". It is in every God-centered religion on the earth, described according to the language of their culture and the words of their religious belief-system. Jesus's church or Israel as it is described according to the culture of the Old Testament of that time, is all those of every language, nation and religion upon the face of the earth who surrender their life of ego and selfishness to the spirit of unconditional love and obedience to God within them. The spirit of unconditional love is Jesus and all who surrender to this love is the same spirit. God revealed Himself through the man Jesus, in a way humans could understand and relate to. Jesus became a completed and balanced, ressurrected human being totally motivated by truth and love. I believe he returns in us as the Christ consciousness activating supernatural life into our own consciousness as we become balanced and whole again through the work of the Holy Spirit. The "ego" is the same as the "old nature" or "flesh life" described in the scriptures. When we slay our ego on the cross of surrender and humility by denying our own needs and desires their worldly fulfillment and giving up our will to God's will for us, whatever it may be, we open within ourselves a river of life and love. When ego is gone, we only see Jesus (God,love) When ego is gone, we only share Jesus (God,love) When ego is gone, we know he (God,Jesus,love) is the Master When ego is gone, we point all to Jesus (God,love) Wen ego is gone, Jesus (God,love) is in us When ego is gone, Jesus (God,love) is in every relationship, guiding it personally We cannot separate Jesus from God or love. They are all the same. God is the creator (The One worthy of all worship and praise), Jesus is the creation or the risen son (the possiblity of what we ourselves can become), and love is the motivation, meaning and fulfillment of all their actions (as it will be ours when we are renewed in Him). He (God,love) is the glory, the faith, the victory, the warrior, the intersessor, the provider, the protector, the high preist, the healer, the companion, the comforter, the deliverer, the teacher, the savior, the only one. All of us are children. He (God,Jesus,love) is the Master. We are the sheep of his pasture. He is our shepherd, he is the vine, we are the branches. Without him we can do nothing. |
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