Most of the time symptoms are brought to our attention by someone else, usually someone very close to us and it is easy to shift all the blame for the hurt onto them. It seems like it's all their fault and you are just protecting or defending yourself when you blame them. Your feeling of innocence or victimization can feel very real.
However, whenever someone hurts us, there are always two people responsible. The hurt we feel is a negative reaction because that pain reveals to us a coresponding problem in ourselves. It is a symptom of something that needs resolved in us.
We need to release the other person from our judgement on them and quit blaming them, understanding that it is their problem that they need to face and resolve and they are not doing it against us, they are not rejecting us, but are caught in a destructive pattern they don't know how to escape from.
Maybe they are aware of the problem and are trying to resolve their past issues but this may not be the case. They may just know that they have a problem that overtakes them and they lose control and feel really bad but have no idea how to stop it. Life is not good for them having to live with the guilt and confusion of not being in control of how they are hurting the ones closest to them.
There always seems to be one person that initially causes hurt to the other. Then the other responds and hurts back. This is because each has a corresponding problem they are refusing to look at and resolve. It doesn't really matter which one starts it because they need each other to keep the patterns going.
Sometimes two people feel a lot of energy between them. This is because unconsciously they need each other to grow past very strong negative patterns that they can't bring up and handle alone. The strong feelings have to be there or they wouldn't stay together to deal with the problems. Sometimes the hurt can be so bad that only a powerful commitment can keep them together. I think this commitment would have to be to God, and for things to get resolved, both would have to surrender their individual wills to Him. If not, then separation usually occurs and there should be no guilt or blame inflicted on themselves or the other. If only one of the partners is committed to self exploration, it is very hard if not impossible for the relationship to break the established patterns of insecurity and control. The roots can be very deep and inter-twined and exposing the ego's lies and illusions can be too painful to endure without trying to project some of the negative energy onto the other person. Then it's back into the guilt and blame game and change will not happen.
Always remember, we are one with God. His will is within our own heart in truth. When we feel too much pain to go on with someone, it is God telling us to leave the presence of their energy. It is no longer right for us and that person's energy is unbalancing ours too much for us to be able to grow. There is no blame or judgment in this because everything has its time and place on planet Earth and this is the same for relationships as anything else.
Sending love instead of anger back to someone who has hurt us, no matter how hard it is to do so, helps us to see where we are also to blame, and both people can begin to heal because it breaks the patterns up. Neither is holding on to the blame or victim stance, instead each can feel empathy because the defensive feelings are no longer controlling their emotions.
When we quit blaming the other person and face our own areas of error instead, our negative patterns will break up like a spring thaw. Words and sentences frozen into painful patterns of negative thought, start to melt, and water begins to flow, cleansing us inside from all the accumulation. When this happens, we see glimpses of truth underneath. This is the truth that reveals to us what we need to know about ourselves. We'll see with eyes that behold truth and reality instead of false images created by false emotions and needs.
Then we'll know God's plan for our lives and accept it with joy. All the pain really comes from trying to run our own lives and do everything without God's help. If we would trust God, we would know how much he loves us and we would be happy with the love he gives us through others and we wouldn't try to control that love or redirect it somehow to make it what we think it should be.
Another reason we have so much sorrow, is that we continually think we know more than God. God puts us together with someone and we immediately begin to organize the relationship according to how it best suits us and meets our needs. We scrutinize every detail of it for flaws, we compare it with other relationships to see if it measures up, we evaluate the other person to make sure he/she is giving enough and making us feel good. All of this sets the stage for some very negative scenes in the near future. We are just begging for those root causes to send up symptoms!
Wouldn't it be wonderful to just accept what God gives us at every moment, pure and simple, just as it is. Accept the people in our lives as God's gift to us and accept the love he gives us through them unconditionally. If they don't meet our standards or expectations, love them anyway. God will remove them if he wants to. If he doesn't want to, then he has a plan for helping each of us through each other.
Let God deal with the problems. Who ever is in our lives, God wants to love them through us and us through them. That's it, simple and straightforward. There are no problems too difficult for God to handle. It is not our place to judge anyone or to manipulate circumstances to expect our own way. We are to trust God and quickly obey when he tells us what to do through our own heart. He will not only prepare the way for us to do that, but he will also be there with his love, strength and comfort through it all.
It's important to not get into guilt trips over our own part in the problem but resist judging ourselves as that only brings in more negative energy. If the energy is too negative between two people, it will be in our heart to not stay together. When we search our own heart for truth, we know what to do. Relationships come and go as waves in the sea. They have a life of their own and we can let them slip away or change direction if they need to. In the spirit we are all eternally joined but in the physical dimension everything has a beginning and an end. It's all part of the dance of life and when we exit the blame game of the ego and quit trying to hold on to something that needs to be released, we find freedom inside for the expression of our true selves.
Remember, it isn't about keeping a relationship together no matter what because for some reason we are caught up in guilt, fear and failure if we don't. That is a religious paradigm we don't need. If there are children, they won't be happy with two parents in close proximity always hurting and blaming each other. They will be much happier with separate parents going on in their lives drawn by their own energy to others they are in more balance with. Handling hurt is not about sucking it up and enduring the pain, it is about responsibly seeking the truth of the matter, doing what is best for all concerned even if it does cause hurt while change is in process, and allowing everyone to move on to a better place. It is faith in this process. God always gives us strength and peace to do the hard things when necessary. When we're trying to do what we think we should do on our own, then the pain can become unendurable. That's why surrendering to His will for our lives, day by day, situation by situation, is so important. Jesus said, "Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Give your heavy burdens to Jesus who is our own higher consciousness or Christ consciousness within and let your life be blessed by this loving and healing energy. Let's quit trying to do things how we think they should be done and do it in the gentle and peaceful way of the spirit.